While coping with infertility, many couples report that those aspects of their relationship that were once enjoyable, such as sex and intimacy, become a routine chore that is a drag on their relationship.
This makes sense.
Having to have sex on a schedule, especially with the added stress of waiting for results, can take the enjoyment out of intimacy in a relationship.
Sex is just one part of your intimate relationship
Remember that sex is just one way to connect with your partner. While struggling with infertility, there are a few things you can do to strengthen your relationship and regain intimacy. While sex can be a joyous way to connect, many couples feel pressure to enjoy sex when going through infertility.
Here are some of our tips for a healthier, more enjoyable sex life:
First date talk
Pretend you don’t spend each evening on the couch watching Netflix together. Spend some time having some real conversation that doesn’t touch on anything too personal. Politics, neighborhood gossip, pick a topic that won’t come around to babies or family planning and enjoy connecting on an intellectual level.
Do what you enjoy
Think back to the things that you enjoyed doing before your time filled up with trips to the clinic. What was something you enjoyed doing together? Did you use to go crazy about March Madness together or try cooking with every new ingredient in your local bodega?
Is there anything you wanted to try to do together but never had the time? Now is a great time to try new things together, or get back into the groove with your old favorites.
Try a new location
If your apartment allows it, try moving the scheduled sex to a location other than your bedroom, and save your bed for only romantic, reconnecting sex – for when you really want to enjoy it and each other.
Saving your bed for romantic sex is a physical reminder of the special connection that you share, irrespective of your fertility status!
Be actively loving
Remember that saying:
It’s the little things that count.
Make the effort to bring genuine positivity back into your relationship. Complement each other, express your appreciation for each other, and try to receive love in the spirit in which your partner gives it to you.
Making romance a priority is important at any stage of life, especially now. You are a team, and the best thing you can do for yourselves is to enjoy the journey together.
Infertility counseling and support
Pamela Kelberg MSSW, LCSW, CST is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist
Appointments are available in our Bala Cynwyd office, conveniently located right off of City Avenue and our Center City Philadelphia office.
Our Bala Cynwyd office is convenient to Center City Philadelphia, East Falls, Mt. Airy/Chestnut Hill, Manayunk, Roxborough, Wynnewood, Overbrook, Villanova, St. David’s, Broomall, Gladwyne, West Conshohocken, Penn Valley, Merion Station, Ardmore, and Narberth.
Read more about encouraging a healthy sex life from Penn medicine, here.
