infertility during the holidays can be very isolating and lonely for women and couples. The thought of having to answer questions about one’s path to conception and plans for family building can increase anxiety and depression and make holiday get-togethers feel like a dread rather than an enjoyable time of year.
In following a self-care model we recommend preparing ahead of time with your partner; setting aside time to talk together about your worries, anticipations, and feelings. Allowing both you and your partner to share feelings is extremely helpful and healthy.
For couples who would like to learn how to talk with their partner about feelings, couples counseling with a trained therapist and support groups can help. After you have identified which parts of family and friend’s get-togethers most bother you or increase your anxiety- write them down. This can help both partners see how the other partner feels-regardless if they also feel that way. The goal is not to agree but to learn how to “see it” from another person’s viewpoint.
Self- Care Plan
Now- after you have seen each other’s worries-set up a plan to help one another. Having a plan can relieve anxiety and allow partners to feel that they are actively helping themselves and one another. Things to discuss as part of your plan for self -care can include:
- Keep you and your partner’s needs in mind. ( Is it really the best thing for you to agree to a three-night sleepover in a house with babies or pregnant women? )
- Having an agreed-upon way of approaching family members or friends who do not seem to “get it” ( Perhaps you ask questions rather than wait to answer someone else’s questions)
- Setting up a time period for staying at outings that may increase anxiety- ( Stay until dessert or go only for dessert)
- Before they get together- Let family and friends know that you are having a hard time this time of year and would like to take a break for a few hours from talking about your path to pregnancy and/or parenthood. Ask them to help you do this by not asking questions but helping you unwind and focus on other life events.
Get help now
Pamela Kelberg offers support and help for individuals and couples suffering from infertility. If you are concerned about infertility in men, we can help. Call now to learn more about our support groups, or just fill out the contact form and click Send.
