When we think about infertility and coping, naturally, most of us think about the woman and what she must be going through. After all, if the couple decides to undergo reproductive technology, it’s usually the woman who is undergoing procedures. It is within the woman’s body that conception and pregnancy take place. So when we think of infertility and coping, we often think of the woman.
But infertility is difficult for men too. This month we celebrate Fathers Day, a time that can be especially painful for men coping with infertility.
Tips for men coping with infertility
Do not suffer in silence
Our society, as progressive as we like to think we are, still promotes the idea that men are less emotional and better able to cope with disappointment than women. In many cultures and societies, women are allowed to express themselves more freely.
It is normal for a man to feel disappointment, to cry, or to be angry when dealing with infertility. It is important for a man not to deny his feelings. The benefit of connecting with someone who can comfortably talk about the issue or even just listen is enormous. If you need to talk to someone, a close friend, a family member or a therapist, give yourself permission to reach out and accept the help that is offered.
Try to understand your partner
Both members of the couple must try to understand the other and what they are going through. Some people argue that infertility treatments can affect a woman’s mood although the research is still unclear. One study showed that if the woman had higher levels of depression and anxiety before infertility treatment started, she was more likely to experience more distress while undergoing fertility treatment.
If you know this, you can take her mood changes less personally and thus, protect your relationship from added stress.
Find your own support
For some men, talking to their spouse about their own insecurities, fears, and disappointments does not feel like an option. This is only because the last thing he wants to do is burden her with more stress about what he is going through. He wants to be strong and supportive, and in some situation, it is best for him to find additional support outside the relationship.
Talking to a therapist can provide a real opportunity to express feelings and receive unconditional support. A therapist offers a safe place to talk about what you are going through and discuss strategies for coping.
Do not lose hope
In very few cases it is impossible for conception to occur but usually, this is not the case. Many couples who have been trying for a long time eventually conceive, even after they’ve given up hope. Always leave room for hope because there is always a chance.
Accept your own response
Finally, it is important to accept your own response. There is no correct way to respond to infertility. You may be experiencing intense distress, but you also may feel a sense of disconnect or even trust that things will work out. This is absolutely okay. However you are dealing with infertility, know that you are allowed to feel what you feel and if needed reach out for support.
Develop healthy coping strategies
When you are dealing with any challenge in life, there are things you can do to bring yourself to the healthiest state possible. Your physical, emotional, and mental health are connected, and the better you take care of yourself, the more capable you will be in dealing with stress and difficult emotions. Below are a few tips for self-care:
- Relax — Find ways to relax and replenish yourself emotionally. If you enjoy nature, make regular trips to your favorite places. Consider getting a massage, learning to meditate, or trying yoga. These are all good strategies to help you relax and find joy and wellbeing.
- Exercise and eat well — When you get your body moving, several changes take place, exercise improves your mood, concentration, and vitality. Think of exercise and eating healthy foods and a strengthening regime for your entire being, not just your body.
- Express your emotions — it is important to express what you feel. Laugh if you want to, cry if you need to. Both laughing and crying are ways in which our body releases stress. Do not bottle up your feelings.
Consider Therapy
Therapy is an opportunity to talk about what you are going through with an expert who understands. Unconditional support in a nonjudgemental environment can be very healing for anyone going through infertility and all the difficulties individuals and couples go through. If you are struggling with difficult emotions, uncertainty, or stress, therapy can help you develop the skills needed to help you cope more easily.
If you would like to learn more, you are welcome to call and book an appointment or fill out my contact form and click Send.
