Secondary infertility is the name for it—although that still doesn’t mean your friends or family will know how hard it is. Secondary infertility is defined as: the inability to conceive a second (third) child. And- it is actually more common than primary infertility. It can include women who conceived easily the first time and then have more trouble the second time or it can be that a procedure that worked the first time is not working as well the second time. It is really painful and can be a challenge to understand –both for the women and couples going through it and for other people to understand.
Women experiencing secondary infertility often feel just as much depression and anxiety as someone trying for a first child. You may relate- do you ever think “OH- I should be happy and content for the child I have and not feel depressed- after all, some people don’t have one child yet.
This is hard to understand especially for women going through primary infertility- WHICH IS WHY INFERTILITY COPING HAS A SEPARATE SUPPORT GROUP FOR SECONDARY INFERTILITY. It just is a different experience with different kinds of stress and worry.
It is often painful not only because conceiving is not happening but couples often want a sibling for the first child- or a family that includes more than one child. You may have wanted a second (third) child to be close in age or born at a certain interval from your first child- to be close in age or play together. THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE. WOMEN OFTEN WORRY THAT THERE WILL BE TOO LONG OF A GAP AND WORRY THAT THAT KIDS WON’T BE CLOSE OR BE ABLE TO SHARE.
Having child(ren) already poses unique stress for the family you do have.
- What do you tell your child when your mood shifts if you’ve experienced a miscarriage?
- How do you cope with how you are feeling now when your first pregnancy was so easy?
It’s also hard in many ways to avoid other parents because you have a child who may be playing with other kids, going to school or daycare.– You may feel an urge to avoid that mom who is pregnant or that neighbor but it is harder when you are already a parent and need to actually be around other mothers and parents more- at the playground, community events, etc.
Click here to read more about secondary infertility and Dylan Dreyer’s IVF journey.
What can help with secondary infertility
Get support from others going through secondary infertility or who can relate to the unique anxiety of wanting and trying to conceive a second time. Join our support group. Or contact me to schedule an individual consultation.
