When Michelle and Greg got married, they made sure to wait until they were ready to start a family. After Michelle and Greg both finished their degrees and settled into their careers, Michelle went off the pill and they eagerly began trying to conceive.
For the first few months, sex was exciting and charged with hope and dreams of the baby they would soon hold in their arms.
Yet as the months went by, with each period and negative pregnancy test, the anxiety and fears mounted. Maybe getting pregnant wouldn’t be as easy as they expected.
Several tests and doctor’s visits later, Michelle and Greg found themselves in an infertility clinic, with specific instructions about when and how to have sex. The area of their relationship that was once reserved for passion and spontaneity, was now set on a schedule and public knowledge of the doctors and nurses.
How infertility affects a couple’s sex life
Infertility can take a toll on a couple’s intimacy, as sex often becomes ladened with feelings of anxiety and stress. 53% of couples report that infertility causes sex to lose its fun and spontaneity.
Instead of being a time connection and passion, sex can evoke feelings of failure, as it reminds couples of what they cannot accomplish. This could cause the partner to feel inadequate or ashamed.
Infertility can affect make women in a way that others may not understand. Women may feel shame about herself and her body. This can take a toll on feeling sexual.
For men, infertility can harm their sense of masculinity. They may understand their fertility challenge as a failure and feel like “less of a man.”
Enhancing your relationship during infertility
Many couples report that coping with infertility brought them closer to their partner, strengthening the bond in their relationship.
Here are some suggestions to nurture your relationship during infertility:
- Work as a team. Regardless of who is the “patient,” approach any issues as a team working together and avoid blaming.
- Spend quality time together. Plan dates, excursions, and vacations where the sole purpose is to enjoy each other’s company. Make it a rule for part of the time not to discuss trying to conceive, fertility treatments, adoption etc.
- Separate baby-making from love-making. For couples struggling with infertility, sex can become routine, stressful, and unromantic. Set aside time to be together outside the fertility window. You may want to designate separate rooms in your house for baby-making and spontaneous sex.
- Build a support system. Infertility is usually stressful for both partners. Seek support from others in your life and give yourself another outlet to cope.
- Reach out for help. Infertility can create tension between a couple. Consider counseling as a resource for support. Don’t wait until the situation gets critical. You do not have to go through this challenge alone.
Infertility counseling in Philadelphia
Pamela Kelberg MSSW, LCSW, CST is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist. Feel free to contact me no matter what stage of treatment you are going through. I am here for you. To make an appointment, call now, or just fill out the form and click Send.
Looking for support with your relationship, sex, and infertility? I can help you with individual or couples therapy, or try our support group for infertility.
Appointments are available in our Bala Cynwyd office, conveniently located right off of City Avenue and our Center City Philadelphia office.
Our Bala Cynwyd office is convenient to Center City Philadelphia, East Falls, Mt. Airy/Chestnut Hill, Manayunk, Roxborough, Wynnewood, Overbrook, Villanova, St. David’s, Broomall, Gladwyne, West Conshohocken, Penn Valley, Merion Station, Ardmore, and Narberth.
